Nora Ephron, would you just SHUT the F#%! Up?

Okay, what's wrong with me? I'm sure Nora Ephron is a perfectly nice woman. I'm not about saying bad things about people. I'm not into criticizing people...

[I couldn't keep going with that thought--I just fell of my chair laughing in hysterics at how wildly ridiculous and hypocritical that last bit was of me to say.]

I read this earlier tonight and couldn't figure out what to say at first:

It's hard to be a Democrat, don't you think? There's no alternative, of course, but it's hard. Someone asked me the other day to write something about why I was a Democrat, and I had no trouble making a list of 10 reasons. Of course, five of those reasons were the Supreme Court, and the other five were more or less historical -- reasons like FDR, which is not meant to mean Franklin Delano Roosevelt exactly but some fantasy blob of Democratic values that are a distant racial memory.

But it's hard. It's especially hard to remember that the real enemies are the Republicans, when the Democrats tend to break your heart and the Republicans are just the boys you'd never go out with anyway.

It's hard when you watch a debate and decide that in the end you're probably going to throw your vote away in the primary and vote for someone who doesn't have a chance, like Dennis Kucinich. I mean, look at them, look at the front runners: Hillary Clinton, who can't help being Hillary Clinton; Barack Obama, who was a disappointment from the beginning and whose new-found attack mode is as dispiriting as his low energy level used to be; John Edwards, whom I am afraid I will never be able to think of again (after this week's Peggy Noonan column in the Wall Street Journal) as anything but a desperate furry little woodland animal.

First of all, it's not "hard" to be a Democrat. It's as easy as can be. YOU might have a personal crisis of conviction, but I don't.

If you don't like what the Democrats who currently hold office are doing, then, and I say this collectively to the larger population, get off your dead ass and participate in the primary process. Remember what that's supposed to be about? It's supposed to be about finding the best candidate to run for office. It's not supposed to be about putting another crown on the head of someone who you have to hold your nose and give five bucks to. It's about finding better Democrats.

So instead of whining, find better Democrats.

Nora thinks FDR is some "distant racial memory?" What does that even mean? No, FDR is with us today in the form of Social Security. Every time someone who is old has money to buy food, think of FDR. There's nothing distant to me about FDR, and I'm not even forty yet.

Nora thinks that Republicans are the boys she wouldn't go out with? Uh, I don't know how to put this, but the Republicans are the boys who torture animals, solicit sex in public restrooms, stick dildos up their asses, molest children and moan about the feel of a diaper on their skin while defecating on prostitutes.

Nora thinks that Peggy Noonan has "defined" John Edwards?

I'm sorry, but if you claim to be a Democrat, and if Peggy Noonan--Peggy Noonan!--writes something on the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal that makes you think of a Democrat as a "furry woodland creature," you're an idiot. You are a grade-a, mouth breathing, short bus riding idiot of massive proportions.

Instead of lamenting what Democrats have or haven't done, sort out your personal problems in a more appropriate forum for discussion. Ever heard of the term "buzzkill?" Because I was pretty happy to see that the Democrats found a way to override a Presidential veto last week. I'm happy they were able to do that. They have a lot of things they need to do.

But, man--what a buzzkill.

Time to bestow our very first Abernathy*

Oh this is rich!

David "Pervert in a Diaper" Vitter has, a mere week later, apparently put it all behind him and is moving on. Rolling up his sleeves and getting back to work. Apparently that week he spent in the fetal position, whimpering and terrified that his wife will make good on a previous threat left him rejuvenated and ready to take charge.

On Tuesday, he took the podium at the Republicans weekly policy lunch - one short week after he apologized in that same forum and received thunderous applause - but it was not another apology that he was at the podium to offer.

Nope.

He was up there acting like nothing had happened, and telling the other Republicans in attendance that what the Republicans need to do to burnish their tarnished image is "rebrand" themselves by reclaiming the mantle of fiscal conservatism.

Yep. you read that right. David Vitter is deigning to give advice on image rehab, when his own countenance is somewhere in the subbasement.

And for that, the dubious man gets the dubious honor of being the recipient of our very first Abernathy* Award.


*On The Simpson's, Eleanor Abernathy is the name of the "Crazy Cat Lady." In virtually every appearance by her, she screams gibberish and throws live cats at passersby. I have decided to stop borrowing Atrios' 'Wanker' (minds out of the gutter!). From now on, when someone does or says something stupid and odious enough that they should have cats thrown at them, I will bestow an Abernathy.

A Dope-Slap™ for David Vitter

Okay.

David Vitter is a giant randy jackass.

That is the least-nasty thing I can say about him.

The guy sniveling hypocrite, who has a long history of boinking hookers, and who said this:

Some current polls may suggest that people are turned off by the whole Clinton mess and don’t care — because the stock market is good, the Clinton spin machine is even better or other reasons. But that doesn’t answer the question of whether President Clinton should be impeached and removed from office because he is morally unfit to govern. [–– David Vitter, Times-Picayune, 10/29/98]

And soon thereafter said this:

“I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess,” he said. [–– David Vitter Atlanta Journal and Constitution, 12/20/98]

A guy sniveling hypocrite whose name was in the D.C. Madam’s phone records, and who went into hiding (at least he didn’t go to rehab) for a week; came out of his fetal position today to spin and attempt to shift the blame.

Now, you see, it is the fault of a vast left wing conspiracy…

Yep.. It's his political opponents fault that he is a giant randy jackass.

A guy so audacious as to try this...

Gets one of these.

It isn't the sex, or even the corruption - it's the hypocrisy

"This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible," Vitter said in the statement. "Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there -- with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way."

Whatever, Senator. However you want to try to spin it, it boils down to this:

Yet another powerful, influential man who sits on a committee that deals with issues arising from sex trafficking – has been caught consorting with hookers.

Add this unseemly business to the cloud of suspicion that was already hanging over his head after his less-than-kosher associations with the disgraced lobbyist and convict Jack Abramoff.

In 2003, Vitter attended a fundraiser hosted by Abramoff. Two months after the event, Vitter inserted a provision into an Interior Department funding bill that was favorable to one of Abramoff’s clients, the Coushatta tribe of Louisiana, at the expense of the Jena Choctaw tribe – also his constituents. The provision that Vitter slipped in barred the Jena Choctaw from opening a casino that would have competed with the casino owned and operated by Abramoff’s clients, the Coushatta. Vitter has previously confessed to working with lawyers from Abramoffs firm, Greenberg Traurig, in drafting the legislative language for the provision.

This man has proven himself not fit to serve in the position he holds. He should, for the sake of the institution, resign immediately.

I have said from the very beginning that this is not about sex. It is much deeper than that. The sex is just the part that gets the American public in a tizzy. So bless their little hearts. If it takes tits and titillation to get the American people to pay attention to something, well, so be it. I would be tickled pink if people got as excited about bad policy and bad politics as they do bad behavior, but unfortunately, they don’t. So what the hell? We’ll take what we can get so long as light keeps shining in dark corners.

One last thing - if Brian Ross of ABC News knew that a sitting senator was on that list, and he backed off on the story...He should resign in disgrace, too.

UPDATE: About that resignation I think he ought to have the courage to submit...In 1998, he agreed. Think Progress has dug up this quote from the Clinton impeachment era: “I think Livingston’s stepping down makes a very powerful argument that Clinton should resign as well and move beyond this mess,” he said. [Atlanta Journal and Constitution, 12/20/98]