Saturday, November 10, 2007

Nora Ephron, would you just SHUT the F#%! Up?

Okay, what's wrong with me? I'm sure Nora Ephron is a perfectly nice woman. I'm not about saying bad things about people. I'm not into criticizing people...

[I couldn't keep going with that thought--I just fell of my chair laughing in hysterics at how wildly ridiculous and hypocritical that last bit was of me to say.]

I read this earlier tonight and couldn't figure out what to say at first:

It's hard to be a Democrat, don't you think? There's no alternative, of course, but it's hard. Someone asked me the other day to write something about why I was a Democrat, and I had no trouble making a list of 10 reasons. Of course, five of those reasons were the Supreme Court, and the other five were more or less historical -- reasons like FDR, which is not meant to mean Franklin Delano Roosevelt exactly but some fantasy blob of Democratic values that are a distant racial memory.

But it's hard. It's especially hard to remember that the real enemies are the Republicans, when the Democrats tend to break your heart and the Republicans are just the boys you'd never go out with anyway.

It's hard when you watch a debate and decide that in the end you're probably going to throw your vote away in the primary and vote for someone who doesn't have a chance, like Dennis Kucinich. I mean, look at them, look at the front runners: Hillary Clinton, who can't help being Hillary Clinton; Barack Obama, who was a disappointment from the beginning and whose new-found attack mode is as dispiriting as his low energy level used to be; John Edwards, whom I am afraid I will never be able to think of again (after this week's Peggy Noonan column in the Wall Street Journal) as anything but a desperate furry little woodland animal.

First of all, it's not "hard" to be a Democrat. It's as easy as can be. YOU might have a personal crisis of conviction, but I don't.

If you don't like what the Democrats who currently hold office are doing, then, and I say this collectively to the larger population, get off your dead ass and participate in the primary process. Remember what that's supposed to be about? It's supposed to be about finding the best candidate to run for office. It's not supposed to be about putting another crown on the head of someone who you have to hold your nose and give five bucks to. It's about finding better Democrats.

So instead of whining, find better Democrats.

Nora thinks FDR is some "distant racial memory?" What does that even mean? No, FDR is with us today in the form of Social Security. Every time someone who is old has money to buy food, think of FDR. There's nothing distant to me about FDR, and I'm not even forty yet.

Nora thinks that Republicans are the boys she wouldn't go out with? Uh, I don't know how to put this, but the Republicans are the boys who torture animals, solicit sex in public restrooms, stick dildos up their asses, molest children and moan about the feel of a diaper on their skin while defecating on prostitutes.

Nora thinks that Peggy Noonan has "defined" John Edwards?

I'm sorry, but if you claim to be a Democrat, and if Peggy Noonan--Peggy Noonan!--writes something on the editorial page of the Wall Street Journal that makes you think of a Democrat as a "furry woodland creature," you're an idiot. You are a grade-a, mouth breathing, short bus riding idiot of massive proportions.

Instead of lamenting what Democrats have or haven't done, sort out your personal problems in a more appropriate forum for discussion. Ever heard of the term "buzzkill?" Because I was pretty happy to see that the Democrats found a way to override a Presidential veto last week. I'm happy they were able to do that. They have a lot of things they need to do.

But, man--what a buzzkill.

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