Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Uncle Bimbo Tries to Blog

Hey, you have to give him points for trying.

Dork Five wingnut Uncle Bimbo writes up a hard-hitting, fact-filled version of a blog post...only it hits the wall and sinks to the floor like a half-assed sack of original thoughts...

Because Uncle Bimbo is fucking incompetent, the first few paras of his post are actually just cut and pasted out of the AP story--then, without warning, his ridiculous, nick-name sprinkled commentary starts up...

Sadr City — the Baghdad nerve center for the powerful Mahdi Army — is suddenly back on edge as the militia leader, Muqtada al-Sadr, and Iraq's government lock in a dangerous confrontation over clout and control among the nation's majority Shiites.

The epicenter of the showdown has been the southern oil hub of Basra, where clashes have claimed dozens of lives this week and al-Sadr's forces face a Friday deadline to surrender.

But a more finely tuned measure of the tensions may be found among the one- and two-story homes and shabby storefronts of Sadr City. As the crisis deepened, The Associated Press toured Sadr City on Wednesday to observe its rapid swing from relative quiet to a return of the Mahdi Army swagger before the U.S. military troop buildup in Baghdad last year.

Uncle Bimbo starts in and lays into the press...grrr! How original!

Here we have the press doing their usual spin trying to take what is actually a positive development and a necessary step toward lasting peace. Mookie and his organization are beaten and all this talk about their resurgence would be better described as the last gasp efforts of a dying power.

Last gasp efforts of a dying power? Wait a minute. Had these guys not stood down, the surge wouldn't have worked, would it? I think the consensus is that getting the Madhi Army to observe a cease fire has been critical for the success of the surge, and that if they started up with the violence, we'd see what we're seeing right now:

Meanwhile, the Mahdi Army, Iraq's largest and deadliest Shi'ite militia, made it through 2007 by refusing to trade body blows with the American military. Petraeus, echoing other American officials, told reporters that "the potential long-term challenge to Iraq is the militia-extremist challenge." To keep the political peace in Iraq, Petraeus and the U.S. military have been careful not to attach the names of the Mahdi Army and its leader Moqtada al Sadr to the threat, hence the use of terms like "the militia-extremist challenge." Sadr controls a sizable political organization as well as his militia.

So I would say that if Petraeus is hesitant to call them out by name, they ain't exactly having a fucking last gasp there, Uncle Bimbo.

Uncle Bimbo's insane rant continues, and he just snips out about a dozen or more paras and starts off with another piece copied right out of the AP story:

Mahdi Army commanders have told the AP that the militia has recently taken delivery of new weapons supplied by backers in Iran. The arsenal, they said, included roadside bombs, anti-aircraft guns and Soviet-designed Grad rockets.

They also said an infusion of cash, also from Iran, helped the militia set up new command centers equipped with Internet-linked computers, fax machines and satellite mobile phones. They have also received global positioning system devices, they said.

The United States has long accused Iran of providing Shiite militias in Iraq with arms and training. Iran denies it.

Now we get some invaluable analysis, courtesy of eagle-eye Uncle Bimbo:

The only positive aspect of this silly enemy talking points memo is that they quote the Mahdi clowns crowing about their Iranian handlers. Anyone who believes that Iran is not the major cause of violence in Iraq, surpassing the defeated al Qaeda, is a naive fool. Now the Iranians have given the mostly leaderless and absolutely clueless Shia militias new toys and they somehow think that will help them against US and Iraqi forces who have spent the past 9 months kicking the living dogshit out of anyone dumb enough to raise a rifle. Terrorists and insurgents died in bunches and these weasels laid up sorry waiting to see what happened.

Well, we don't exactly have any evidence of any of that happening--by getting the Madhi Army to agree to a ceasefire, we essentially STOPPED killing them. We also started paying tens of thousands of Sunni Awakening members to stop attacking us. Except that the promised funds haven't been getting paid--were we "kicking the dogshit" out of the people who were on an agreed-upon cease fire? Getting paid to stand down?

No question--Iran has interest in what's going on in Iraq. No question, Iranian intelligence is all over Iraq, infiltrating the government and helping certain militias. I don't think Uncle Bimbo can quite grasp this one simple fact--al Maliki has travelled to Iran several times; Iran has a diplomatic presence in Iraq and sends diplomats and officials back and forth.

You'd think a deep thinker like Uncle Bimbo would come up with something like, "how come the Iranians and the Iraqis are always exchanging stuff, like diplomats and all that? Huh? Ain't we supposed to be killing everybody? Dang!"

Sadly, we get another nugget of incredible wisdom:

Well chumps, the good guys won and they are more than ready to finish off one last bunch of untrained jackasses running around in track suits firing unaimed rounds at no one in particular. I direct you punks to your new publicist and film distributor for your demise Uncle J and the Dead Tangos Theatre.

Uh huh. So it's over, huh? We can start bringing our guys home? Everything's cool now, huh?

WASHINGTON — Troop levels in Iraq would remain nearly the same through 2008 as they have been through most of the five years of war there, under plans presented to President Bush on Monday by the senior American commander and the top American diplomat in Iraq, senior administration and military officials said.

Mr. Bush announced no final decision on future troop levels after the video briefing by the commander, Gen. David H. Petraeus, and the diplomat, Ambassador Ryan C. Crocker. The briefing took place on the day when the 4,000th American military death of the war was reported and just after the invasion’s fifth anniversary.

But it now appears likely that any decision on major reductions in American troops from Iraq will be left to the next president. That ensures that the question over what comes next will remain in the center of the presidential campaign through Election Day.


But Uncle Bimbo said everything was good to go! Aw, nuts. And it's really sad that General Petraeus seems to be doing everything he can to make Uncle Bimbo look like an idiot. Can't someone call over there and tell General Petraeus to stop making everyone's favorite incompetent Dork Five blogger Uncle Bimbo look like he's talking out of his ass?

Thanks for the blogging, there, Uncle Bimbo. You only made yourself look like a complete and total jackass with about three paragraphs or so of original analysis and thought. You gotta work pretty fucking hard to make yourself look THAT bad.

Are you sure you served in the military? Because if you blogged like that in your candy-assed little way, it stands to reason that you probably got your ate-the-hell-up ass chewed out every day for something.

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