Now I've heard everything...

My husband had the same reaction I did.

The latest political calculus designed to take reproductive choice away from women is men who delusionally insist that "they had abortions" when women they impregnated chose not to give birth and remain tethered forevermore to the losers in question.

If you don't have a uterus, you never had an abortion.

Get over yourself.

And maybe see a real shrink, not some specious "christian counselor" - when I say real shrink, I mean a psychiatrist who can prescribe medications, because you are not just off your beam, you're nuttier than squirrel poop.

"We had abortions," said Mark B. Morrow, a Christian counselor. "I've had abortions."

[Note the plural. What a responsible guy! Running around screwing willy-nilly and paying for abortions when the wild oats he sowed didn't yield a crop failure? Call me a cold-hearted bitch, but I don't think that kind of fella had any business trying to parent until he learned to keep it in his pants - or at least under wraps.]

Morrow, the counselor, described his regret as sneaking up on him in midlife -- more than a decade after he impregnated three girlfriends (one of them twice) in quick succession in the late 1980s. All four pregnancies ended in abortion.

[So after the first one, this guy didn't have the awareness to buy a fucking box of Trojans? He fertilized four eggs in rapid succession with three women, and wants to whine now? Someone fetch me a bushel of overripe tomatoes and put this idiot in stocks in the public square that I might pelt him for being a self-important simp.]

Call me a cold-hearted cynical bitch - but this is just another attempt to use imagery and emotion to infringe a womans right to choose - and that choice often includes being shed of a zero who she can't imagine ever being a hero - all too often, this realization sets in at the very moment the stick turns blue. I've never had an abortion, but I have friends who have - and most of them say the first thing they thought when learning they had conceived was that they couldn't have a child, "at least not with [insert generic losers name here]."

I want to dismiss these fools and mock them and then move on and never think about them again - but that is what they are counting on - that we'll laugh at them and dismiss them - and they will continue on their merry way, peddling anecdotes and imagery to a gullible public, and infringing on the rights of half the population of this country.

You want to reduce abortions? Talk to your children honestly and make sure that they have access to condoms. Take up the cause of comprehensive sex-ed in schools instead of that abstinence-only idiocy.

Reproductive freedom is not an issue we can ever afford to take for granted. Or some guy will come along, weeping and wailing and insisting the experience was his.